If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
