wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
