I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
