just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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