i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
