how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
