$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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