the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
