I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
