I smell stomach acid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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