Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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