the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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