ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
