You just made me feel so damn special
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
