So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
