the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
