"it" just moved
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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