I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
