I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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