my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
