I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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