the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
