You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
