i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
