he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
