I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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