Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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