There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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