My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
