OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
