you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
