Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
