Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
