how hairy? two words: wookie tits
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
