I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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