I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
