Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
