I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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