Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
