So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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