My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
