Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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