Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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