I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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