Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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