Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
