YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
