Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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