When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
