two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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