First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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