Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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