I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
