i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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