Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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